Nick Cannon Breaks his silence on split with Mariah Carey.....Great one !

Nick Cannon is not the sex-talking, white people party music-making, opportunist douche that we always thought he was ... well, not completely, anyway -- it turns out he's got some pretty hardcore redeeming qualities; qualities that might even rid us of the negative thoughts of the aforementioned downsides of Cannon. 

Nick -- who's been mum on his split with Mariah Carey -- unleashed a torrent of awesomeness on Twitter last night, and it goes a little something like this: 

"I have personally been absent from social media for the past few months for obvious reasons but I feel the need to finally speak up. During this challenging time for me and my family it saddens me that the media can be such evil bottom feeders because my family & I haven't been forthcoming with personal information, people are quick to paint negative pictures and spread rumours [sic]. For the record I NEVER have, nor will I make a statement regarding my marriage. So whatever your favorite gossip outlet is reporting has been created within their own imagination. At this difficult time I would ask all civilized people to please respect my family and this process. 

What infuriates me most is to hear people slander @MariahCarey. I will forever be in debted [sic] to her for blessing me with our children. I will always love her unconditionally for this and so much more. @MariahCarey is an amazing Mother and I trust her wholeheartedly. So to see false reports in the media stating otherwise is absurd! While I would like to remain silent I can no longer allow this to happen. I love @MariahCarey and that will never change!!! 

If the media wants to portray me as the Bad guy that's fine. But it is unfair to drag innocent people into the equation. Others have lives, families, and careers and for the media to slander them is down right evil and illegal. I apologize to anyone who's gotten caught up in this unwarranted drama. BTW Shouts out to the so called "Sources"! I hope the check was worth it. 'Don't worry about my life, worry about why you're worried about my life!' 

And finally, "Trouble in Paradise" is the dumbest phrase I've ever heard! I would never say that sh-t. Now back to your regularly scheduled programming... #radiosilence" There you have it, folks -- not much to see here except for two people who just decided that there's nothing to see here. There doesn't seem to be any scandal, or any lascivious reasons that Mariah and Nick decided to split -- this is the kind of thing that happens on the regular to your aunts, uncles, neighbors, parents, and friends ... not all divorces are mud-slinging and perversion, you know. It's two people who just don't want to be together anymore. The end.